


Why Are We Mermaids?

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Just what it says on the tin, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9768668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “why am i a mermaid?” He wondered, bubbles trilling from his mouth as he spoke.





	1. Dave Is Kind Of A Jerk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “don’t you remember what happened last night?”

 

John Egbert was in the water.

 

This was nothing particularly unusual. Growing up he had gone to the pool constantly during the summer. He enjoyed the way the water flowed around his body, and in his opinion he was a rather good swimmer. No, there was absolutely no reason why he should be surprised to find himself completely submerged under the waves.

 

Except for the fact that he had woken up here.

 

On a seashell the size of his bed.

 

In a gargantuan fish tank.

 

He opened his mouth to scream before he could remember to hold his breath and found that he could breathe perfectly fine. Gills filtered the h2o into oxygen, gills that John did not remember having. He tried to kick his legs and succeeded only in shooting up in the water, something long, blurry and bright blue lashing up around him. It was a tail, sleek, and fishlike, beautiful in it’s own eerie way. John looked down and saw that yes indeed, he was in fact a merman who lacked legs.

 

And a shirt.

 

Why didn’t he have a shirt?

 

John spent a while just floating there in shock before he noticed the odd blue stripes around his sides and the feathery fins on his arms.

 

“Why am I a mermaid?” He wondered, bubbles trilling from his mouth as he spoke.

In response came the familiar, peppy voice of his ectosister Jade Harley: “Haha, John, you’re so silly!” He turned his head and saw her there, only it wasn’t her. Her long, messy dark hair, round glasses, and bright green eyes were just the same as ever, but she was now sporting a lime colored tail that ended in two thin fins and was wearing two sea shells instead of a shirt. “Don’t you remember what happened last night?” John concentrated, trying to recall exactly _what_ he had been doing the night before he’d fallen asleep. (although in truth he hadn’t really fallen asleep, but at the time he didn’t know that.) A picture of what Jade had taken to calling her “lab” sprung to mind, clear and colorful. (it was the Strilondes’ kitchen.) He had been working with Rose, and Dave had been working with Jade.

  
“Now remember” she’d said to him. “We’re trying to create a liquid that could serve as the fuel for a gender-bending gun. There are so many ways this could go wrong, like for example if it switches something other than our genders, or if it isn’t temporary.”

“Uh huh” he’d said, looking bored. “And what's the worst it could do, make john a redhead forever? That wouldn't even be bad. I mean come on, at least it would look cool with his eyes and all” The mention of John’s name had made the hairs on the back of his neck prickle.

“Anyways, Egbert's pretty boy face aside-”

“HEY!”

“What could it possibly switch that would be that bad? I personally think there's nothing. You've gotta admit that it would be pretty bad if it switched our nothings. It would be so awful if i had one of your nothings instead of my awesome ones. Seriously, I can't even imagine that.”

Jade had giggled a little at this, but she’d quickly forced a stern look onto her face. “Oh don’t you worry mister! This gun can be very dangerous if the liquid inside is mixed with the wrong chemicals. So you’d better be careful!”

“Okay, okay, jeez.” said Dave, hunching his shoulders and raising his hands in front of his chest… knocking a tube full of unnamed substances into their beaker in the process. “WHAT DID I JUST SA-” began Jade, before a burst of multi-colored light filled the room, engulfing the many screams: Jade’s yelps, Rose’s cries, John’s shouts, and a noise that vaguely resembled a rooster being choked to death. (that one was Dave.) All went black as John’s eyes closed.

 

The last thing he saw was blue and red glinting on a shadow that loomed above.


	2. Rose Is Much Too Smart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John was able to identify this as the voice of his friend Rose Lalonde from her mature tone of voice.

        “So I take it that John has woken up?”

        John was able to identify this as the voice of his friend Rose Lalonde from her mature tone of voice. A crown of purple seashells was wrapped around her head, and her short blond hair floated gently in the waves. Like John and Jade, she had a long mermaid tail, except hers was a dark, enchanting, and elegant shade of purple. “Aw man.” said a voice, more casual and still rather similar to Rose's, because as John knew this voice belonged to her ectobrother Dave Strider. "I can't believe I missed that. Jade, you'll have to fill me in on how badly John freaked out. I'm sure it was hilarious." His bright red fins twitched as he spoke. He still wore his shades (how they managed to stay on underwater, John had no idea) and his stripes were like flames, so red were they. His shirt seemed to have disappeared as well, ~~~~not that John particularly cared. "Whatever the freak-out," came Rose's voice, "I'm sure it was nowhere near the panic attack **you** had, Dave."

       The sunglasses made it hard to tell, but John swore Dave was glaring at Rose. "Come on Lalonde, I told you that was me doing ironic flips in the air. Not freaking out. Striders don't freak out." Rose snorted derisively and rolled her startlingly violet eyes. "If you say so."

       "Hey guys?" John asked. "Where did this fish tank come from?" "Oh, that?" said Rose, as if the question wasn't a particularly important one. "It's Sollux's. He keeps it for when Feferi comes over, in case she wants to swim, and also for when Eridan comes over to pick fights with Sollux." John stared at her, waiting to see if she was going to say anything else. When she remained silent he said "So you're telling me that Eridan goes to Sollux's can-hive-thingamaging... just to pick fights with him." "Indeed." replies Rose, "Captor seems to find it funny when Eridan tries to drown him. I don't know why, as to me it seems to be a rather inefficient and counter-productive habit, but Kanaya has told me that in troll culture this is said either to be platonic hatefriend-bonding or a sign of blossoming kismessitude." John opened his mouth as if to tell her how dumb he thought this was, before he was interrupted by a haughty sounding voice that he didn't recognize.

     "Did I hear someone sayin somethin about me?" From what he could see of him and what Karkat had told him, John assumed that this was Eridan Ampora. A pair of thick black glasses that struck John as something a hipster would wear rested upon the bridge of his nose. They were a bit large for him and kept sliding down (or rather drifting) which cause Eridan to have to lift them back up. This may or may not have made John snicker a bit. The sea-dweller's hair stuck up in the water, curling messily around his stone-gray fins. (John wondered if he had some too, now that he was a merman and all, but he quickly decided that no, that was something only violet and fuchsia bloods had) A single purple streak rested aside all the black ones, just in between the yellow-orange horns that were shaped like lightning. His cape had somehow managed to stay on in the water (seriously, who wears capes?) and floated around his arms, which were crossed firmly over his chest. His tail was purple, but not quite as dark or elegant as Rose's. Violet, John decided, like his blood. He wondered if all trolls had tails that matched their blood color.

      As it turns out, he didn't have to wait very long for an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> eeeeeyyyyy guess who's kind of maybe somewhat gotten bored of this fic  
> yyyep  
> i don't know i just don't really feel like updating it now  
> and i don't know when i'm gonna feel like updating it  
> so i'm kind of just going to  
> leave it here  
> :P
> 
>  
> 
> also by the way, after they turned back into humans/trolls they fixed the gender-bend gun and decided to never ever use it until thanksgiving


End file.
